If you looked at my Life Resume© it would contain things like an early childhood in Arizona, nasty ghosts in my closet, markedly low self-esteem, good grades, and the ugly-duckling syndrome. It would also include a blurb about a short-lived bout of acne, a constant battle with the bulge, a head full of ideas, high scores for imagination, and nine different addresses by the time I was twelve. Thankfully, my family landed in Colorado when I was in the eighth grade, and stayed there long enough for me to make friends, be influenced by some great teachers, graduate from High School and call it home. That same life resume would include facts about parents who stayed married until death do us part, close ties to family and church, two years of Bible College, an abusive marriage that started at the ripe age of nineteen, three children by the time I was twenty-four, over ten years of therapy, and a divorce just after my thirty-fifth birthday. 

My life really started to fall apart after my dad’s death. He was piloting a small plane that went down in the San Juan mountain range in southern Colorado. I was twenty-five. It was a catalytic event that brought old memories to life and bonded them to the unhappy, trapped existence I was experiencing. Counseling exposed all the ghosts and secrets I had been hiding, along with an entire trunk full of evidence that I held against myself for making poor decisions, being the victim, behaving badly and more. I wanted to die, and nearly did by my own hand -- but God stopped me.

I will never forget the healing moment that turned my life around, I was stopped at a traffic light just outside of Boulder, Colorado and as I started to pull forward into the intersection it was like I saw the darkness of my own heart, and I knew that “but for the grace of God, there go I”. All this time I was so violently angry with God and my husband, and others who abused me that it was wrecking my life. I was relentless in my lack of forgiveness. I had become self-righteous and brutal. Yet at that moment it was all clear, I was no better than anyone who had harmed me. My heart broke and I forgave.

Psalm 73, verses 21 – 26 became a life passage for me:

"When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered I was senseless and ignorant. I was a brute beast before you. Nevertheless you held me by my right hand, you guide me with your counsel and afterward you bring me into glory. Who have I in heaven but you, and being on earth, there is nothing I desire beside you. My heart and my soul may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

From that point on, I adapted three principles in my life that have kept me focused during the roughest of times. These three things have become my core values: love, acceptance and forgiveness.

1. Loving others for who they are.
2. Accepting others for where they are in their lives … believing that we are all in a process.
3. Forgiving others for not being who I needed them to be in my life.

Number three was by far the most critical for me because it let loose the hook that kept me bound to my offenders, as well as to all the offenders I would face in the future. The thing I learned about unforgiveness is that it is like feeding yourself poison and expecting the other person to die.

Loving and accepting took a lot of work for me, because I had to learn about boundaries. It was those boundaries that would eventually lead to the loss of my marriage, which in the end was irreconcilable.

In 1992, broke and up to my ears in debt, I ended up with sole-custody and a pittance of child support – just over $100 per child per month, which ended upon each child’s eighteenth birthday, or graduation from High School, whichever came first. I left with next to nothing and a dirt-colored mini-van. Thank God for my mother, who took us in, gave us love, shelter, and discipline. She put me on the two-year plan – get my degree, get a good job, and get out. I did.

Within three years of the divorce being final, I had worked full-time and gone back to school full- time. I had paid off most of the debt, purchased a new car, bought a house, obtained my Bachelor’s degree and was earning three-times what I had when I left the marriage. What's more, because I worked for the university that I graduated from, I had a complete tuition waiver, and qualified for a Pell Grant that paid for all my books and fees! My future was re-defined.

I got out of the cage.    I changed my mind.    I changed my life.

Since then … life has rolled on. It has been sixteen years since my divorce was final and my life continues to be re-defined, but with a bigger picture in mind. I’ve been fired once, had my heart broken several more times and for several reasons, fell in love with the sweetest redheaded boy on the planet … my grandson Dylan, who was born when I was forty-three. In 2002, I followed the love of my life to North Carolina, remarried, became a step-mom, a mother-in-law, lost my job and my identity for a while, battled with health and depression issues, and after thirty years in the corporate world, I started my own business – and now Wilda! ™ At fabulous fifty, I have found my Authentic Vocation™ as a coach, public speaker and business consultant and find work and life more fulfilling than ever. As an added bonus, I now have a collection of seven amazing grandchildren that includes two sets of twins … one set per side. It is a wonderful life, and I am so glad I stuck around for the experience.

I want you to stick around for the experience too.